online confessional
My blog serves a number of different functions. Sometimes it's my journal--a way of capturing the moments of my life that make me laugh. Sometimes it's my "napkin" where I write down random thoughts. And sometimes it's my online confessional where I share some of my failures and struggles. I think that confessing our sins to one another is a lost spiritual discipline. An online confession may not be what the Scripture writer had in mind, but it's better than no confession at all. So here's my cyber-confession.
I was asked to update the community on our coffeehouse project the other night and I was kicking myself afterwards because I felt like I missed an opportunity to be a bold witness for Christ. Someone asked what "Ebenezers" means and I gave a water-down version. Instead of a literal translation: "Hiterto the Lord has helped us" I gave a loose paraphrase: "So far so good." I took God out of the equation and I felt so convicted afterwards. I don't want to "justify" what I did, but I often find it helpful to do an autopsy of sin. Here's my autopsy. One of the people at the community meeting was a neighbor who complained about the Easter Eggstravanganza because we talked about Jesus (God forbid). We explained that we totally funded it and there are these things called "freedom of religion" and "freedom of speech." But that didn't pacify her antagonism. Anyways, I think I went into this meeting on the defensive. That defensive mindset affected the way I fielded questions. I also have an underlying fear of people thinking of Ebenezers as a "Christian coffeehouse" because that often conjures negative pictures of half-rate coffeehouses (unfortunately). That combination of factors put me in a defensive mindset. So I chickened out instead of openly sharing that God is the one who gave us the property in the first place. He gave us the idea. He gave us favor with zoning and historic preservation. And He's the one we're trying to glory! Long story short, I wimped out. I felt like I let the Lord down and didn't "represent" Him the way I could have and should have. And I feel like I missed an opportunity to be an unashamed witness. Here's the good news: it strengthens my resolve to not be a "defensive Christian" who is always watering down or soft pedaling the truth. I want to be an authentic and unashamed witness for Christ with everyone in every situation. All I can do is pick myself up, dust myself off, and learn from this mistake. I feel better now :)
I was asked to update the community on our coffeehouse project the other night and I was kicking myself afterwards because I felt like I missed an opportunity to be a bold witness for Christ. Someone asked what "Ebenezers" means and I gave a water-down version. Instead of a literal translation: "Hiterto the Lord has helped us" I gave a loose paraphrase: "So far so good." I took God out of the equation and I felt so convicted afterwards. I don't want to "justify" what I did, but I often find it helpful to do an autopsy of sin. Here's my autopsy. One of the people at the community meeting was a neighbor who complained about the Easter Eggstravanganza because we talked about Jesus (God forbid). We explained that we totally funded it and there are these things called "freedom of religion" and "freedom of speech." But that didn't pacify her antagonism. Anyways, I think I went into this meeting on the defensive. That defensive mindset affected the way I fielded questions. I also have an underlying fear of people thinking of Ebenezers as a "Christian coffeehouse" because that often conjures negative pictures of half-rate coffeehouses (unfortunately). That combination of factors put me in a defensive mindset. So I chickened out instead of openly sharing that God is the one who gave us the property in the first place. He gave us the idea. He gave us favor with zoning and historic preservation. And He's the one we're trying to glory! Long story short, I wimped out. I felt like I let the Lord down and didn't "represent" Him the way I could have and should have. And I feel like I missed an opportunity to be an unashamed witness. Here's the good news: it strengthens my resolve to not be a "defensive Christian" who is always watering down or soft pedaling the truth. I want to be an authentic and unashamed witness for Christ with everyone in every situation. All I can do is pick myself up, dust myself off, and learn from this mistake. I feel better now :)
1 Comments:
PM- this is actually very encouraging to those of us who have a tendency to wimp out quite a bit. :) Thank you so much for you transparency and humility. It gives the rest of us the courage to repent, pick ourselves up out of the mess, and walk boldy in God's grace.
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