Tension
Tension. We had some in our Big Idea meeting today. Our team gets along super well. We're friends. We aren't just doing ministry together. We're doing life together. But it got a little awkward. But here's the deal: tension is such a healthy thing if it is handled correctly. I think conflict is like a growth stimulus. Relational steroids.
I honestly believe that truth is found in the tension of opposites. That is a linchpin in my theology. Job 11:6 says, "True wisdom has two sides." We are too content with one-dimensional truth. But true wisdom is typically found on the far side of tension.
Too often we run away from conflict, but I've found that conflict will actually bring you closer together if you handle it right. Tension not only keeps our relationships from becoming superficial. Tension forces us to talk about things we should be talking about but don't want to talk about. Conflict has a way of taking us to a new level relationally and organizationally.
I think most staff problems trace back to someone internalizing something they should have verbalized. And it results in high levels of pent up frustration and bad morale. Here is a great rule of thumb: don't internalize. Verbalize.
I want a culture at NCC where we can show tough love and talk about tough topics. We don't have to see eye to eye on everything, but we need to have one heart.
I'm not suggesting you pick fights :) But instead of shutting the conflict down we need to talk through it. We need more wrestling matches. The end result of our conversation was some critical insights into communication and structure.
What I'm trying to say is this: tension is good. Without tension you can't have stringed instruments or trampolines or teams.
By the way, always end those kinds of conversations validating people. I tell our team all the time: who you are is more important than what you do.
Just verbalizing :)
I honestly believe that truth is found in the tension of opposites. That is a linchpin in my theology. Job 11:6 says, "True wisdom has two sides." We are too content with one-dimensional truth. But true wisdom is typically found on the far side of tension.
Too often we run away from conflict, but I've found that conflict will actually bring you closer together if you handle it right. Tension not only keeps our relationships from becoming superficial. Tension forces us to talk about things we should be talking about but don't want to talk about. Conflict has a way of taking us to a new level relationally and organizationally.
I think most staff problems trace back to someone internalizing something they should have verbalized. And it results in high levels of pent up frustration and bad morale. Here is a great rule of thumb: don't internalize. Verbalize.
I want a culture at NCC where we can show tough love and talk about tough topics. We don't have to see eye to eye on everything, but we need to have one heart.
I'm not suggesting you pick fights :) But instead of shutting the conflict down we need to talk through it. We need more wrestling matches. The end result of our conversation was some critical insights into communication and structure.
What I'm trying to say is this: tension is good. Without tension you can't have stringed instruments or trampolines or teams.
By the way, always end those kinds of conversations validating people. I tell our team all the time: who you are is more important than what you do.
Just verbalizing :)
3 Comments:
Mark, i don't know if you watch The Office (the American version), but there was a hilarious episode where the manager took over the conflict resolution from human resources and everything went to crap.
He talked about the "cage match" concept and it reminded me of your wrestling matches...though I'm sure your conflicts are resolved in much healthier ways!
Sorry, just verbalizing... :)
This is a critical element for a successful leadership team. Patrick Lencioni spells it out so well in his great book "Death By Meeting." One that every church "CEO" should read.
Hi Mark.
I believe this is my first comment here, although a regular reader of Evotional.
I speak from having been through Christian Rehab some years ago in bringing agreement to your post.
Ministry and life together will, (as so other things), bring tension and with it conflict. Yet, there is no doubt that this tension oriented conflict does produce growth.
Proverbs 27:17. "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
The flip side being that if we back off or walk away from this tension/conflict, then we will see no growth.
"True wisdom has two sides." Beautiful! Indeed, when the wisdom on the other side of tension is revealed to us, we look back and shake our heads at how silly all the conflict now seems and yet, what personal and corporate growth!
Closeness, a truth in our relationship both in ministry and with others - yes! Most certainly the growth attached to these will be immense and keep both ministry and relationships real.
Growth can only be stunted when we shut down conflict and do not see our way through to resolution.
Yes. Always, always, validate.
Just My Thoughts.
God Bless.
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