10 Thoughts on Vulnerability in Ministry
I did a podcast interview with Rick Warren on Friday. Thought I'd post some thoughts on the topic: "How Vulnerability can make your ministry more effective."
I'll post the link as soon as the interview goes live.
One of my all-time favorite movie scenes is in Tommy Boy where Chris Farley says: "Let me tell you why I suck." A good pastor has a little Chris Farley in them. Did I just say that? One of the things that I loved about Farley, besides the fact that he was ridiculously funny, is that he didn't take himself too seriously! In my experience, people who are more vulnerable are more lovable! I just think that spiritual leaders really struggle in this area. We feel like we have to have this holy persona that is beyond sin. What we really need is the courage to share our failures and foibles!
All of us love a good success story, but pastors need to share their failure stories too. But do it in a redemptive way. Success stories inspire us. But failure stories help us catch our psychological breath. When we hear how someone else has messed up, it helps us feel normal. When I speak at conferences, I often share about our failed church plant attempt before we came to DC. It is amazing how many people come up to me and thank for me sharing that story. When I share a "failure story" it is like people breath a sigh of relief.
Here are 10 Random Thoughts on Vulnerability:
#1 People will only be as vulnerable as their leader!
The leader sets the vulnerability standard. They will only be as open and honest as you are.
#2 Embrace your imperfections!
Part of us wants to hide what's wrong with us. But our imperfections are connection points! I'm always reminding NCCers that I'm a work in progress. And I have a little mantra I repeat as well: as soon as I'm omniscient I'll let you know. I don't have it all figured out. I don't have it all together. And I never will. We each have to deal with our thorns in the flesh!
#3 The happiest and healthiest people laugh at themselves the most!
It might have been Plato who said, "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people." That is so true. I think laughter is one of the purest forms of vulnerability.
#4 The greatest freedom is having nothing to prove!
#5 Cry in public.
Jesus wept. It's the shortest verse in the New Testament. But I think it speaks volumes about Jesus! Real men cry. Last week I shared a story about an NCCer who shared about her experience with human trafficking. I couldn't get through it without crying! And a guy came up to me afterwards and said, "You just gave every guy in this place permission to cry." Crying is a little embarrassing. But it is a form of emotional vulnerability.
#6 The best apologetic is authenticity!
It's not how much you know. It's how real you are!
#7 Quit trying to be a pastor and try to be yourself!
One of my most memorable conversations was with a pastor friend about a year ago. He decided to leave his church. His reason? "I just don't feel like I can be myself." Life is too short to pastor a church where you can't be yourself.
#8 Jesus was holy, but he wasn't holier-than-thou.
#9 Be open to correction!
How you handle criticism will determine how healthy your spirit is. You can't afford to listen to criticism that doesn't pass through the filter of Scripture. But you also can't afford to tune out godly correction. Don't become a self-validating closed-system. Allow people to speak into your life!
#10 Hang out at wells
Part of vulnerability is accessibility. Jesus didn't hang out at synagogues. He hung out at wells. Wells were natural gathering places in ancient culture. Coffeehouses are postmodern wells! That is why we built Ebenezers. It is so easy to get quarantined as a pastor. At the end of the day, vulnerability is all about incarnation!
I'll post the link as soon as the interview goes live.
One of my all-time favorite movie scenes is in Tommy Boy where Chris Farley says: "Let me tell you why I suck." A good pastor has a little Chris Farley in them. Did I just say that? One of the things that I loved about Farley, besides the fact that he was ridiculously funny, is that he didn't take himself too seriously! In my experience, people who are more vulnerable are more lovable! I just think that spiritual leaders really struggle in this area. We feel like we have to have this holy persona that is beyond sin. What we really need is the courage to share our failures and foibles!
All of us love a good success story, but pastors need to share their failure stories too. But do it in a redemptive way. Success stories inspire us. But failure stories help us catch our psychological breath. When we hear how someone else has messed up, it helps us feel normal. When I speak at conferences, I often share about our failed church plant attempt before we came to DC. It is amazing how many people come up to me and thank for me sharing that story. When I share a "failure story" it is like people breath a sigh of relief.
Here are 10 Random Thoughts on Vulnerability:
#1 People will only be as vulnerable as their leader!
The leader sets the vulnerability standard. They will only be as open and honest as you are.
#2 Embrace your imperfections!
Part of us wants to hide what's wrong with us. But our imperfections are connection points! I'm always reminding NCCers that I'm a work in progress. And I have a little mantra I repeat as well: as soon as I'm omniscient I'll let you know. I don't have it all figured out. I don't have it all together. And I never will. We each have to deal with our thorns in the flesh!
#3 The happiest and healthiest people laugh at themselves the most!
It might have been Plato who said, "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people." That is so true. I think laughter is one of the purest forms of vulnerability.
#4 The greatest freedom is having nothing to prove!
#5 Cry in public.
Jesus wept. It's the shortest verse in the New Testament. But I think it speaks volumes about Jesus! Real men cry. Last week I shared a story about an NCCer who shared about her experience with human trafficking. I couldn't get through it without crying! And a guy came up to me afterwards and said, "You just gave every guy in this place permission to cry." Crying is a little embarrassing. But it is a form of emotional vulnerability.
#6 The best apologetic is authenticity!
It's not how much you know. It's how real you are!
#7 Quit trying to be a pastor and try to be yourself!
One of my most memorable conversations was with a pastor friend about a year ago. He decided to leave his church. His reason? "I just don't feel like I can be myself." Life is too short to pastor a church where you can't be yourself.
#8 Jesus was holy, but he wasn't holier-than-thou.
#9 Be open to correction!
How you handle criticism will determine how healthy your spirit is. You can't afford to listen to criticism that doesn't pass through the filter of Scripture. But you also can't afford to tune out godly correction. Don't become a self-validating closed-system. Allow people to speak into your life!
#10 Hang out at wells
Part of vulnerability is accessibility. Jesus didn't hang out at synagogues. He hung out at wells. Wells were natural gathering places in ancient culture. Coffeehouses are postmodern wells! That is why we built Ebenezers. It is so easy to get quarantined as a pastor. At the end of the day, vulnerability is all about incarnation!
12 Comments:
Excellent thoughts! I didn't realize how powerful being vulnerable and removing the masks were until I did it...and the connections that have occurred because of it are incredible!
Here's a crazy one too...wrote a blog post 'Vulnerability: Strength or Weakness' on January 4th and it is STILL one of the top posts on my site...with a followup 'Vulnerability Exposed' right up there too--think that speaks for itself. People want to be real--they just need permission to do it!
I really needed to read this today. Have been praying for guidance on a certain issue and this post spoke to confirm some of what I already felt nudged on.
great stuff as usual. love your thoughts on that. 100% right on. peace. mike.
Great stuff Mark! I've been thinking about vulnerability and it's downside (i.e. when it's unhealthy)... so far I have two:
1) Vulnerability is unhealthy when it includes other people without their consent! If my vulnerability compromises my organization or my friend... I should be discreet or silent.
2) Vulnerability is unhealthy when it makes people pity me. I've heard pastors talk about how they feel regarding their "lack of communicative abilities"... and I agreed. This only made me uncomfortable. Their vulnerability did not make me respect them... it made me wish they'd take their own advice and stop speaking!
Love the post, thanks.
www.matthewsblog.waynesborochurchofchrist.org
Fantastic Mark...Often times Pastors are the worst at this. I wonder if it is taught at seminary not to be vulnerable.
Not being vulnerable when you think about it really is a hardening of the heart.
My first girlfriend broke my heart. In doing so I told myself it would never happen again. And I never let myself be vulnerable again. In doing so I damaged many relationships cause I wouldn't let anyone in.
Pastors often set themselves up to fail in this area by not being vulnerable. They also are perceived as not being real at the same time and when they do fail it comes as a real shock to everyone.
The flip side is that I have seen many congregations humbly accept their pastors failings with open arms showing that people do understand and want to love us unconditionally too.
We're only two weeks into it, but we've already had an incredibly positive response to our current series, "Naked Pastors." Our people need to know that real growth only comes with honestly and authenticity. Setting that example starts with us.
Terrific points!
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Hey Guys, just wanted you to know the podcast is now live on Rick Warren's Blog.
Awesome post. And Jason, to answer your question: I went to Bible College and we were told not to be "too transparent." We were taught that people want to have a certain image of their pastor.
Yeah...a fake image.
"Failure stories helps us catch our psycholigical breath"...Mark Batterson Awesome quote! Vulnerability has alot to do with acceptance. I have been attentding AA meetings for 3 1/2 years now. Trust me when you first walk into an AA meeting you are the defination of vulnerability. But what I have learned is my acceptance of myself (all of me just as I am) helps me to be vulnerable.
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