Several years ago I read Choosing to Cheat by Andy Stanley. And I quote one statement all the time. It might be a paraphrase by now. But here goes: saying yes to one thing is saying no to something else. So good. So true.
I'm really struggling right now with saying "no." I am genuinely humbled and honored by invitations to speak at conferences and churches. And Lora and I jokingly kid about the way I say every opportunity is an amazing opportunity. But every opportunity is an amazing opportunity :)
In doing a little self-examination and schedule-examination, I feel like I might need to scale back a little bit in 2009. The problem is that 2009 is virtually booked with speaking engagements. In the past week I've turned down a couple invitations. Yes, they were a "amazing opportunities" :) It's so hard to say "no." But I also feel like it's a way to say "yes" to my family.
I'm living in the tension of being a good steward on both fronts. And I'm certainly counting my blessings that it's a tension I need to manage. I love to be at home. And I love to speak to pastors. Just trying to make sure it stays a win/win and doesn't become a lose/lose. And I'm learning that I need to error on the side of family!
Thanks for letting me process!
I'm really struggling right now with saying "no." I am genuinely humbled and honored by invitations to speak at conferences and churches. And Lora and I jokingly kid about the way I say every opportunity is an amazing opportunity. But every opportunity is an amazing opportunity :)
In doing a little self-examination and schedule-examination, I feel like I might need to scale back a little bit in 2009. The problem is that 2009 is virtually booked with speaking engagements. In the past week I've turned down a couple invitations. Yes, they were a "amazing opportunities" :) It's so hard to say "no." But I also feel like it's a way to say "yes" to my family.
I'm living in the tension of being a good steward on both fronts. And I'm certainly counting my blessings that it's a tension I need to manage. I love to be at home. And I love to speak to pastors. Just trying to make sure it stays a win/win and doesn't become a lose/lose. And I'm learning that I need to error on the side of family!
Thanks for letting me process!
21 Comments:
Mark,
Crazy Timing. I am preaching on this topic this morning. I love the book and it changed my perspective on so many things.
It is never a time-management issue. It's a worship issue!
I sacrifice less important things for more important things. I sacrifice to worship my God. We just never think of it that way.
I know people who worship their lawns. All their money, all their time, all their energy goes to protect the lawn at the expense of their family, their spiritual life, and their church family.
So many times good things try to sneak into the #1 spot and become God things.
I am praying that you have people around you who will hold your "feet to the fire" in this area. After years of ministry in large churches, and now as a church planter, this is one of the most destructive areas for a pastor's family. We all recognize it - but very few have the courage to do something about it! Thanks for the inspiration!
A professor once told me not to be afraid to "say no with a smile". That's been good advice over the years of life and ministry.
Speaking of Andy Stanley, he speaks a lot about margins; we must keep the margins free in our lives and not live too far to the edge, like the margins on a sheet of paper. Good thoughts as well.
Great thoughts!
One thing that has helped me is letting others say no for me! So I have "limits" places on how many days I can travel, how many boards I can serve on concurrently, but I still feel like I need to scale back more.
Important to have boundaries and margins. But the best guage is getting a sense of "internal rythm" and you know when you're stretched too thin...
Mark
Dear Mark,
One thing that helped me work out the balance for my travel/speaking schedule is this: I won't agree to any speaking or travel opportunity without Cathy's joyful and enthusiastic blessing. If she says, "I guess. . . if you feel you need to do this" -- then I won't do it.
I've found, in this regard, that every time I've turned down a wonderful opportunity I've been blessed by the cool things that happened at home when I would have been gone.
Thanks for sharing this post with us. Right before I read this, I sent an email turning down a free trip to Africa (a personal dream of mine). It was so hard, but I felt relief in obeying God and honoring my family. We will take a vacation together during the same time frame the Africa trip is planned.
I just ended a summer full (6 weeks) of speaking youth camps - and have many things booked in '09. I'm feeling, like you, a need to pull back and spend more time with my family and church.
"Opportunity" is a loaded word...
Thanks!
Hey Mark check out Wayne at New Hope Christian Fellowship in Hawaii. His message on Rich Toward God will help greatly. Blessings Jimmie
Mark, as a pastor, ministry leader and consultant to many churches, I encounter other pastors all the time coming to this point (however most of them aren't as well known as you.) I always ask pastors these two questions: (1) are you accepting these scheduled events to edify yourself, the people for whom you're speaking, or the body of Christ? (2) does your family feel these appointments are more important to your future than they?
After answering these two questions, its' much easier to understand the limits you may need to place on your schedule.
Love your stuff and the work you're doing. Can hardly wait to see you here in Columbia, SC later this year.
Jimmy - All Praise Ministries
Ditto on Wayne's message! I just heard it on Wednesday at First B in Eugene, OR. He nails the idea that this is a worship issue.
I once heard Rick Warren say that God has given each of us exactly the right amount of time to accomplish His plan for our lives. We often wish there were more time in the days so we could do more. Our struggle is not that we don't have enough time but what to do with that time. His time frame is perfect. Now my schedule just needs to bow to it. I get busier and busier and I struggle more and more. Thanks for processing.
i LOVE hearing a Christian leader say this... i couldn't agree more. :)
Couldn't you begin using the same innovative technology you use in your services to reach different locations at once? You could reach and encourage pastors and be home at the same time!
Pastor Mark
For myself, I have noticed on how much i twisr and manipulate what I say in order for the other person to say yes. It is very difficult for me to HEAR the word NO. When I hear the word NO from others, I make it mean so many things about myself. In realpty from another point of view all it really meams is no. Saying no is a challenge, and hearing no takes courage and grace,
Great book! It wrecked my world and saved my marriage. It was hard at first, but eventually, people get used to you not being the end all to problems.
Thanks for the post.
Michael
yes, to all the above and do not apologize for saying “no”…
I admire the way that you are openly checking the ego. Few of us have that kind of bravery or maturity to say no to a professional "stroke" and yes to "family". I admire anyone who pays attention to balance over self want. It is an honor to read your blog and to see how open you are with "processing". Thanks for the regular shot in the emotional arm.
My dad, a long time pastor who has been with many people in their final days, said to me once, "No one I have ever been with at their death bed has ever said 'I wish I spent more time at work'... but far too many have said, ' I should have spent more time with my family.'"
I hope you didn't turn down Catalyst 09!! Hoping you will be one of the speakers. - Kevin
After I left the message above, I realized Mark's appearing at East Lake Church in Columbia, SC via SATELLITE! It's for the Group Life Conference. Ugh! Sorry for the confusion. I had several people email me asking where Mark was going to be here in SC... my bad!
So, do you think this is harder for men or women?...
I sent this to my husband as I've found that getting into church planting and making connections has a tendency to stretch one thin as Mike is trying to maintain some sort of balance...
Thanks for your post and honesty!
Mark - I promise you, I was just thinking "Wow, life has exploded for him..." as I caught up with your blog. It warmed my heart to see your intentional, public declaration of what's most important.
Choosing between good and evil is easy. It's choosing between good and best that kicks our rear. Well done.
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