Seven Thoughts on Criticism
Can I share some reflections as we end The Elephant in the Church series?
What a series! Really stressful from a preaching standpoint. Tough topics. Sensitive topics. But I think it was really healthy for our congregation. And it was good for me. Let me try to explain how.
One of the challenges pastors face is preaching to please people. You obviously want to bless, inspire, challenge and impact the people you're speaking to. But their opinion of your message isn't the true litmus test. The true test is this: what did God think of it? And that is really tough to discern. So, by default, we usually judge our messages by the positive or negative feedback we get. Right? Just keeping it real.
I think The Elephant in the Church series has been healthy for me. Not sure how to say this. And I hope it comes across the right way. But I'm caring less and less about people's opinions of my sermons. I knew going into this series that somebody would be offended with every sermon. I just try to be an equal-opportunity offender. Here's what I'm praying: Lord, help me love people more and more and care about their opinions of me less and less. I don't want to pastor defensively. I genuinely want more of a prophetic edge. I need to hear those Spirit whispers and then shout them from the rooftops.
I've learned that one of the tricks of ministry is keeping a soft heart and developing a tough skin. You'd like to think that everybody will agree with everything you say in every message. Not gonna happen! Especially as the church gets larger.
Years ago I memorized something Abe Lincoln said. It's my fall-back position when I experience criticism. Every leader ought to put this to memory. He said, "You can please all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time." So true!
Here are seven thoughts on criticism:
1) If someone disagrees with something I say, I'd much rather have them verbalize than internalize those things! So I welcome emails when people have issues. If they email every week, that's a different issue!
2) As a pastor, you have to preach what God put in your heart and let the chips fall where they may. At the end of the day, the only true validation is whether or not we said what God wanted us to say. The sermon your congregation liked the least may be the one God liked the most. Or vice versa.
3) Don't get defensive when you are criticized. Read those emails thoughtfully and prayerfully. If you do, it'll make you a better person and a better communicator!
4) Discern the spirit of the criticism. I've gotten a few emails during this series from people who have disagreed with the angle I took on some of the issues. And that's ok. I'm not omniscient. And you can only cover so many issues and angles in thirty minutes. But here is the real test. Can we agree to disagree? If we can, then the level of respect actually goes up despite our differences. But whether the criticism comes off as prideful or humble, your response better be in the spirit of humility.
5) As a leader, you're never beyond exhortation, correction, or reproof. If you think you're above it or beyond it you're headed for trouble!
6) Make sure the criticism passes the filter test. I heard Erwin McManus say something years ago that I've never forgotten. "Don't let an arrow of criticism pierce your heart unless it first passes through the filter of Scripture." If it passes through the filter, then deal with it. If it doesn't, then the criticism you received is probably a reflection of some of the issues and insecurities the criticizer has.
7) Keep a soft heart. The way you do that is by staying in the Word and staying humble. And if you have a bad attitude toward someone, pray for them.
Boom. Done.
What a series! Really stressful from a preaching standpoint. Tough topics. Sensitive topics. But I think it was really healthy for our congregation. And it was good for me. Let me try to explain how.
One of the challenges pastors face is preaching to please people. You obviously want to bless, inspire, challenge and impact the people you're speaking to. But their opinion of your message isn't the true litmus test. The true test is this: what did God think of it? And that is really tough to discern. So, by default, we usually judge our messages by the positive or negative feedback we get. Right? Just keeping it real.
I think The Elephant in the Church series has been healthy for me. Not sure how to say this. And I hope it comes across the right way. But I'm caring less and less about people's opinions of my sermons. I knew going into this series that somebody would be offended with every sermon. I just try to be an equal-opportunity offender. Here's what I'm praying: Lord, help me love people more and more and care about their opinions of me less and less. I don't want to pastor defensively. I genuinely want more of a prophetic edge. I need to hear those Spirit whispers and then shout them from the rooftops.
I've learned that one of the tricks of ministry is keeping a soft heart and developing a tough skin. You'd like to think that everybody will agree with everything you say in every message. Not gonna happen! Especially as the church gets larger.
Years ago I memorized something Abe Lincoln said. It's my fall-back position when I experience criticism. Every leader ought to put this to memory. He said, "You can please all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time." So true!
Here are seven thoughts on criticism:
1) If someone disagrees with something I say, I'd much rather have them verbalize than internalize those things! So I welcome emails when people have issues. If they email every week, that's a different issue!
2) As a pastor, you have to preach what God put in your heart and let the chips fall where they may. At the end of the day, the only true validation is whether or not we said what God wanted us to say. The sermon your congregation liked the least may be the one God liked the most. Or vice versa.
3) Don't get defensive when you are criticized. Read those emails thoughtfully and prayerfully. If you do, it'll make you a better person and a better communicator!
4) Discern the spirit of the criticism. I've gotten a few emails during this series from people who have disagreed with the angle I took on some of the issues. And that's ok. I'm not omniscient. And you can only cover so many issues and angles in thirty minutes. But here is the real test. Can we agree to disagree? If we can, then the level of respect actually goes up despite our differences. But whether the criticism comes off as prideful or humble, your response better be in the spirit of humility.
5) As a leader, you're never beyond exhortation, correction, or reproof. If you think you're above it or beyond it you're headed for trouble!
6) Make sure the criticism passes the filter test. I heard Erwin McManus say something years ago that I've never forgotten. "Don't let an arrow of criticism pierce your heart unless it first passes through the filter of Scripture." If it passes through the filter, then deal with it. If it doesn't, then the criticism you received is probably a reflection of some of the issues and insecurities the criticizer has.
7) Keep a soft heart. The way you do that is by staying in the Word and staying humble. And if you have a bad attitude toward someone, pray for them.
Boom. Done.
10 Comments:
I'm learning the same thing about worrying more about pleasing God, then the people listening with the series we're doing right now (http://experiencepathway.com/Swayed.htm).
I always do my best to speak the truth in a gracious way, but I've decided that beyond that it's on the people listening to receive or reject it. I can't do anything else.
Being a people pleaser, this is a hard lesson for me, but it needs to be learned and relearned!
I'm not a pastor, but I am a director of communications and boy do I get criticisms! Do NOT change the format of the bulletins.. it ruins some people!
God gave me Galatians 1:10 awhile back, "I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant."
Thank you for the words, Mark -- they inspire and affirm.
great thoughts, both for those in ministry and those in business.
thanks for the insightful post.
I always get excited when I'm talking about God and people start to get offended, especially if they are Christians. Because Jesus offended people right and left - I figure if I'm really conveying His message, there will be a little offense, a little tension! I'm not talking about the offense that comes from a wounded heart - I'm talking about the offense that comes when a Christian feels the poking of the Holy Spirit and starts poking the messenger - you know what I mean? It's that point in the conversation when I shrug, admit that I could be wrong (this is one of my core beliefs), and ask the person to explore the idea with me. Love it!
Of course, this is in 1 on 1 format, since I don't preach a lot.
GREAT post! I sometimes question myself if I never offend someone. Not to say that offending someone is my intention, but if no one ever questions something I've said, then I'm probably avoiding talking about the things I should be talking about.
I just think that speaking truth into people's lives can cause conflict and criticism. And that's OK. It's when I neglect my responsibility to speak what God has put on my heart that I miss the mark.
wow...love it mark! this is some great insight into a very serious, inescapable issue in church life. love it.
Mark,
Your timing is always impeccable. Thank you.
Paul
Mark, spoken like a veteran - beyond your years!
I especially think your take on criticism is valuable to anyone in ministry. Thanks for sharing with the rest of us!
In San Diego there is a 20 foot tall statue in a park titled Unconditional Surrender. It is a 3 dimensional rendering of the famous Times Square kiss on the VJ Day in 1945 between a sailor and a nurse. The people love it. The critics hate it. Just a point to ponder.
Man guesses/God blesses
-Jason Goldtrap
Great post Mark!
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