There are some things that cannot be taught. They can only be caught. Last night during our family devotional time I talked about what it means to live a Spirit-prompted life. And I gave some examples. But that can't be taught. It can only be caught.
The greatest desire of my life is that my kids would grow up to love God with all of their heart, soul, mind, and strength. But I can't control that. The longer I parent the more I realize that all I can do is live what I want them to learn. If we're generous, our kids learn generosity. If we're kind, our kids learn kindness. If we love the word of God, our kids learn to love the word. If we apologize, our kids learn to apologize. And if we're obedient to the wild and crazy promptings of the Holy Spirit, then maybe just maybe, our kids will discover the adventure that is chasing the Wild Goose.
Any thoughts from parents? How do you help your kids catch the truth?
The greatest desire of my life is that my kids would grow up to love God with all of their heart, soul, mind, and strength. But I can't control that. The longer I parent the more I realize that all I can do is live what I want them to learn. If we're generous, our kids learn generosity. If we're kind, our kids learn kindness. If we love the word of God, our kids learn to love the word. If we apologize, our kids learn to apologize. And if we're obedient to the wild and crazy promptings of the Holy Spirit, then maybe just maybe, our kids will discover the adventure that is chasing the Wild Goose.
Any thoughts from parents? How do you help your kids catch the truth?
18 Comments:
Mark,
Our oldest daughter married and formed her own family this past Dec.
After the events were over my wife and I began to reflect on how we passed on a passion to serve and know God. We even asked our daughter to tell us the things we did or said.
Katy could not come up with specifics, what she could communicate was an underlying sense that we loved her and that God was watching out for us.
Scripture & prayer were part of our family life, but mostly living a spirit prompted life was how we taught how it was done.
We do watch in sheer humility how God is working in and leading Katy and Russ into a future full of adventure walking with their creator.
You hit the nail right on the head. Modeling the behavior for them is the most important thing, but then simply follow it up with an explanation so they understand what you're doing and why you're doing it.
I'm picturing a group of computer-kissing MacBattersons. ;-)
But seriously, you got it dead-on correct.
Mark, I'm following the crazy stirring of the Holy Spirit right now by leaving this comment. Something really big is happening in my heart here in WI and I would love to share it with you - it might have something to do with your church. I sent an e-mail to your secretary asking for your e-mail address so I can write in more detail.
Mark, I'm following the crazy stirring of the Holy Spirit right now by leaving this comment. Something really big is happening in my heart here in WI and I would love to share it with you - it might have something to do with your church. I sent an e-mail to your secretary asking for your e-mail address so I can write in more detail.
Mark,
this post and last post both have to do with the same thing. Your God given communication ability is amazing. While I have read/reading many wonderful books on parenting; I would love a Batterson Book on Parenting. I know you would say that you are no expert in the area, which is why I would love to read it. Currently my kids are 3.5 and 1.5 years old. Pastoring is difficult, but I think I am figuring it out. Parenting, that is a whole different level :)
This has been a startling thing for me in the past year. I have two little girls and I've been giving a lot of thought to how I am forming their understanding of Christian masculinity. That has been the most humbling thing I have encountered since becoming a dad: recognizing that I am modeling what they will see as the way "men are supposed to be."
Well written, as always, Mark. I just blogged about this same topic on Monday.
Using a sports analagy, it is extremely important to remember some folks aren't gifted with great "hands." In other words they may not get it at first. What they will catch however is Grace. When parents see that something is not being taught or caught it is easy for frustration to set in. It is during those times the eyes of our kids are really open and see how we react to the dropped ball so to speak. Remember not to take the error personally. I like to think of Grace being able to throw the ball underhand to a person you think should be able to handle a fast ball. It is not an easy thing to do.
Okay, so I'm not a parent. But I can say as a grown-up child, I have learned most about God from seeing godly men act out their faiths.
John Ortberg says there are 3 levels of commitment
1. Public - what we believe because we think it is what others expect e.g. Pharisees
2. Private - What we think we believe but may not be true (Peter denying Christ after he said he would not)
3. Core - those things that we don't question e.g. gravity we simply live our lives accordingly
Core is out of the abundance of the heart. This is what you are living, modeling, passing on.
Core is most important and it is lasting.
Great stuff! My daughter (7) and I are reading through the Bible together this year- sitting on her bed for 20 minutes each night, plus impromptu questions that make it last about 30 minutes.
But you can't get better questions about the Bible than from a perspective of a 7-yr old. Actually, she's surprising insightful and makes me think much more deeply about what I read. It's challenging for both of us. I'm also posting blogs about my journey with this. And while reading through Numbers, I almost took her Bible away due to "parental control of content". If it was not the Bible, I wouldn't let her read it.
I grew up in the church and made my relationship with God my own (and not my parents) when I was in my teens. I respected my parents as people and I knew they loved me. Those two things kept me from making some really bad choices along the way. I am so thankful to have a dad who lived a life in front of me that made me never want to disappoint him.
I have four girls - triplets that are 10 and an older girl that just turned 12. I am the holder of testosterone in my household of women!
Modeling is key. Serving along side your children, whether it be at a homeless shelter, shoveling the neighbor's walk or putting away the dishes is key.
Similar to what you are and have done with your son, I am doing a father/daughter challenge with my girls. Spiritual, intellectual and physical challenges. Crucial to me was to draft a plan of action, create the father/daughter challenge in writing and present each one with a binder of what it is all about, where we are headed and calendar to chart our way. Each challenge is fitted to the child, as each one of my girls has a different identity given by God.
My girls are eating this up! It has nothing to do with me or a written challenge plan.... it has everything to do with obedience to God and a father's desire to impact his children and generations to come for the Kingdom.
Chase the Goose bro!
By the way.... one of your life goals is to climb a 14,000 footer with your son.... you can do that by coming along with about 100 other men to Peak Challenge 2009 this summer! :)
Thanks for the sharing the thoughts and especially the prayer.
Yes! We need to make sure that we are living real authentic lives in front of our children. They need to see us doing the good things and the bad things (as well as us dealing with the consequences of those). Now, I'm not saying we air all our dirty laundry. What I am saying is that we need to live honest lives in front of our kids. They need to see that a life following Jesus is amazing but not a cake walk. They need to see us "working out our faith."
Be honest with your kids. Keep your eyes, ears, and heart open for teachable moments. And sometimes those teachable moments don't require words or explanations.
If children see you honestly following God in all that you do (even in the times you mess up and the times you struggle with following God), then it is more likely that they will see a God who is real whom they can follow through their adult life as well.
Well Wes is only 14 months old so I can't yet see results of our parenting. But I do know that I'm all of sudden watching even my tone of voice when I'm with him. I want to be a model. I also know that my positive character traits do come directly from my own parents. They modeled kindness, generosity, devotion to God, family first attitude, togetherness, and I find myself wanting to give Wes the same wonderful childhood that I remember so fondly. I just pray, pray that I can be as good a parent to him as mine were to me. It's overwhelming. I remember this Christmas, feeding Wesley his babyfood in his highchair, my father standing over us with his hand on my shoulder. I teared up as I told him that it had been a long, hard first year. I explained that sometimes I still forget that I'm not just a kid babysitting, but that this is my child forever. And the immense responsibility is daunting. He gave me the best and most simple advice. He said, "I know, Sarah, it's a tough job. You just take it one day at a time, pray, and trust God."
Well, I'm not a parent. But as a grown-up child (stealing that phrase from an earlier post), I would say that my hunger for God increased (and continues to increase) when I see God reflected in others.
But I would also add - pray for your kids. It seems so obvious, but I don't think anyone has said it yet.
Your post has also made me contemplate the differences I've seen in PKs and non-PKs at the Christian camp I've worked at. From what I've gleaned and the conversations I've had, most PKs know all the Sunday school answers. Most of them desire to have a real relationship with God. I would attribute those things to modeling.
One thing the PKs tend to say (especially reflecting on their growing-up experience once they hit college) is how much they value being able to build relationships with other PKs - people who "understand the circumstances of God being thrown at us all the time," I think one said. They didn't mean that as a bad thing - just something that most people didn't understand. Their favorite part about camp was being able to have conversations with God with people who understood them. As someone who observed and interacted with, I think that made (makes) a difference in their process toward making their faith their own. I think it's a great gift that pastors can give their kids - the opportunity to build those relationships.
I am (obviously) a big fan of Christian camping, and the pastors week was always one of my favorite weeks of the summer. Such great kids. But I think there are other ways to let kids build those relationships, too.
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