I've said this before but let me say it again: the longest and toughest two-letter word in the English dictionary is "no." Especially if you're a people pleaser. Sometimes it's so hard to utter that little word! If you struggle like I do, I hope this helps.
This week I had to make a difficult decision in a ten-minute time-frame. I won't spell out the details for a variety of reasons, but this is where my blog turns into a personal journal that helps me mark my trail and process my thoughts. This week I said "no" to a nomination for a position that was tough to turn down. Who knows how the voting would have turned out, but I felt like I needed to preclude that possibility despite the fact that, on paper, it was very appealing.
The first thing that came to mind when the opportunity was presented was a saying that has become a personal mantra: don't say yes just because it's difficult to say no. If you don't know who you are and who you're not, you'll probably say yes when you should say no. Why? Because you'll focus on the wrong thing. You'll focus on the position instead of your calling. I had to do a quick analysis of my priorities and my gifts and my responsibilities. And I knew that in light of those things, I need to say "no" even though 49% of me wanted to say yes. That is also when some pre-decisions I'd made about travel and outside commitments helped keep me in check.
I was honored and humbled by the potential nomination. And I have great respect for the leadership that wanted to nominate me and I have great loyalty to the constituency I would have potentially served. But I don't think it was the right time. And I don't think I have the right gift mix for the position. I think I can serve more effectively without the position or the title.
By the way, I have second-guessed myself a few times. That's normal. And it's definitely one of the toughest "no's" I've ever uttered. But it brought me back to ground zero: I want to be dead-center in the will of God. That is the only position that counts. That is the place of blessing. That is where God can use us most.
This week I had to make a difficult decision in a ten-minute time-frame. I won't spell out the details for a variety of reasons, but this is where my blog turns into a personal journal that helps me mark my trail and process my thoughts. This week I said "no" to a nomination for a position that was tough to turn down. Who knows how the voting would have turned out, but I felt like I needed to preclude that possibility despite the fact that, on paper, it was very appealing.
The first thing that came to mind when the opportunity was presented was a saying that has become a personal mantra: don't say yes just because it's difficult to say no. If you don't know who you are and who you're not, you'll probably say yes when you should say no. Why? Because you'll focus on the wrong thing. You'll focus on the position instead of your calling. I had to do a quick analysis of my priorities and my gifts and my responsibilities. And I knew that in light of those things, I need to say "no" even though 49% of me wanted to say yes. That is also when some pre-decisions I'd made about travel and outside commitments helped keep me in check.
I was honored and humbled by the potential nomination. And I have great respect for the leadership that wanted to nominate me and I have great loyalty to the constituency I would have potentially served. But I don't think it was the right time. And I don't think I have the right gift mix for the position. I think I can serve more effectively without the position or the title.
By the way, I have second-guessed myself a few times. That's normal. And it's definitely one of the toughest "no's" I've ever uttered. But it brought me back to ground zero: I want to be dead-center in the will of God. That is the only position that counts. That is the place of blessing. That is where God can use us most.
6 Comments:
So happy you were able to say the hard "no". Just heard a good quote yesterday. "I don't fear failure as much as I fear succeeding at what I'm not called to do". -H. Robert Rhoden
Sounds like this hit home with you.
Mark,
I applaud you for doing the best and not the good or better. It's very difficult for me to deal with reactions when I say "no." We are doing a study of Chip Ingram's "Your Divine Design" series. It's on discovering and developing your own spiritual gift. It's life changing. I'm discovering that when I don't operate in my gifting, I'm not where I should be, and when I am, I will be empowered to do everything God wants me to do. That give me the almost beyond the ok to say "No" to the good or better, but I feel like the command to. Romans 12:1-2 is giving me the insight on how to figure all this out. It can be done!! Thank you so much for your writing.
Gina Pasour
http://vision.chapelgrove.com/
I'll never forget when I had to make one of those decisions. On paper, it made more sense than I wanted it to. At the same time, I KNEW that I KNEW that I KNEW what God called me to do and following that path would ultimately take me further away from His purpose for me. Everyone (well those that didn't know my calling) around me thought I was off my rocker for not taking the opportunity, but I had SUCH peace coming out of it, there was NO DOUBT in my mind I made the right choice. Looking back, I'm BEYOND glad I made the decision God had for me!
Mark, thanks for your vulnerability and honesty. The truth is, one of the hardest times to say no is when we're turning down something that feeds that part of us that likes to be celebrated and acknowledged. You're setting a great example my friend.
For me, one of the best parts of what you wrote is that it shows that you have success well in perspective, which is inspiring. That is so huge for us all, especially in ministry. To be guided by what you should be doing, not by wishes or the promise of greater name recognition. Thanks for modeling that.
So...you had to say no to being nominated to run on the next presidential ticket? Good for you!! :) Glad to hear you said no. Was wondering what thought process you used i.e. reasons given for saying no.
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