Can I take a little blog survey?
I ask this question of other parents all the time: what is the greatest lesson you've learned as a parent? Would love to hear about some of the lessons you've learned at different stages of parenting. Nothing is more rewarding or more challenging than being a parent. We need to help each other out. I know it's tough to boil it down to one thing. So feel free to share a few lessons learned.
Here are seven lessons I've learned:
1) Your greatest failures as a parent can turn into your greatest successes IF you simply apologize. You are modeling one of the toughest skills to learn: how to handle mistakes.
2) A great marriage is one of the greatest gifts you can give your kids so focus on your marriage first and your kids second.
3) You create memories via engineering shared experiences. Be intentional about setting shared goals. Become a student of your kids. Learn to love what they love.
4) Parents are prophets. Don't just use your authority to speak correction into their lives. Use your authority to speak encouragement into their lives. Otherwise you will become a prophet of doom.
5) We have a Heavenly Father who compensates for our parental weaknesses. So take a deep breath and relax a little. Even if you're a single parent, you're not alone. God will make up the difference!
6) One of the greatest gifts you can give your kids is time. A little one-on-one time opens channels of communication like nothing else. If you hang with them when they are young they'll want to hang with you when you're old.
7) If all else fails, teach your kids to say please, thank you, and sorry. Especially to God.
I ask this question of other parents all the time: what is the greatest lesson you've learned as a parent? Would love to hear about some of the lessons you've learned at different stages of parenting. Nothing is more rewarding or more challenging than being a parent. We need to help each other out. I know it's tough to boil it down to one thing. So feel free to share a few lessons learned.
Here are seven lessons I've learned:
1) Your greatest failures as a parent can turn into your greatest successes IF you simply apologize. You are modeling one of the toughest skills to learn: how to handle mistakes.
2) A great marriage is one of the greatest gifts you can give your kids so focus on your marriage first and your kids second.
3) You create memories via engineering shared experiences. Be intentional about setting shared goals. Become a student of your kids. Learn to love what they love.
4) Parents are prophets. Don't just use your authority to speak correction into their lives. Use your authority to speak encouragement into their lives. Otherwise you will become a prophet of doom.
5) We have a Heavenly Father who compensates for our parental weaknesses. So take a deep breath and relax a little. Even if you're a single parent, you're not alone. God will make up the difference!
6) One of the greatest gifts you can give your kids is time. A little one-on-one time opens channels of communication like nothing else. If you hang with them when they are young they'll want to hang with you when you're old.
7) If all else fails, teach your kids to say please, thank you, and sorry. Especially to God.
29 Comments:
Prepare yourself for the day you have to let go....if you do it well, they'll always come back!
I'm not sure if this is a lesson or not, but whenever I have to discipline my children I make sure to tell them I love them. I would hate for them to separate love from correction and view it is an outlet of anger or loss of love.
Thanks for sharing this, Mark. One thing that I have learned is never to take myself too seriously. My children always seem to be God's way of directing me towards laughter at times when I try to make things too uptight.
Pray aloud with your children at the end of each day; tell your children often that you're honored that God chose you to be their parent; take your children on an RV trip each summer.
As the parent of a teenager, I've learned the importance of timing when it comes to connecting with your children. It doesn't matter how good the advice or how well intentioned your effort may be - if you catch them at a time that doesn't work, the message won't get thru.
Don't underestimate the perceptive powers of your children - remind yourself of this more and more through the teen years. (They really get it sometimes when we just don't)
And pack a tent in the RV so you can include a little bit of roughing it, and/or provide a little space for whomever may need it sometime along the trip. ;)
I think they have taught me about faith, and trusting and questioning, and to pray expectantly.
The real secret is to raise kids you enjoy and just loving them for who God has made them to be and not what you want to make them into.
LISTEN to your children. They are living their lives now not when they are __. TRUST them until you cannot. LOVE, Love, love - NO MATTER.
Another great gift to give your kids is grace - forgiveness with no strings. The kind of forgiveness that's granted when the child doesn't ask for it. (That may occur when they're too embarrassed to own up to a failure/mistake.) Being let off the hook can open dialogue that is life-changing. My Dad did several times for me and I knew it. I was never the same ... and always grateful. Lowell
I'd add -
Give them back to God from birth. It's sure a lot easier that way.
Be intentional. Nothing happens by "just happening".
BLESS your kids!
Don't treat your children as equals..and don't put one above the other. Each one is unique and parents should embrace and encourage the differences, strengthening the gifts that God gave each one. This can eliminate the comparison and completive spirit that is so easy to find in the world.
Intentionally change the dysfunction and mistakes that you were predisposed and made. Teach your children to make those changes in themselves, family and also to teach their own children to make changes. God desires the best for us – we desire the best for them
#3 Be there as a Grandparent without interference but with love, understanding and wisdom-
Pray everyday for your children, it is never too early to pray for their long term future (i.e. marriage , children…)
1. Never say 'No" when you can say yes. Don't let your laziness keep everyone from making a memory.
2. When they ask "why?" Tell them why...give a reason for your decisions they deserve an answer.
3. Always remember, they are NOT you. They do not think like you, they are individual works of art, God's creation with feelings, fears, and hopes, who will also stand before God one day alone.
4. Love covers over a multitude of sins, for them and you :)
I LOVE my girls, they are God's greatest gifts!
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- Always think in terms of protect and prepare. The older they grow, the more you prepare them and the less you protect.
- Part of preparing is teaching them that every choice has a consequence. Our goal is to have them "choose life" (Deut. 30:19,20)
- There's no such thing as quality time without quantity of time together. Be available.
- Take your kids to a third world country early (we set 10 yrs. old as the time) so they get the perspective of being world Christians and develop a heart of compassion.
- Learn your kids' love languages and use them.
Make sure you see the big picture. And that is that you want them to make heaven. I see sooooo many parents what to be "friends" with there kids and forget that they are to be "parents" first. If you are the "parents" that God wants you to be then being "friends" will happen on its own. Remember that they belong to God, not you. I want to stand before God and have him say to me "Well done".
I've learned that someone is always watching, the good and the bad. If I do something my son wants to do the exact same thing. It is humbling and exciting to know that my actions can help shape a life.
Sometimes in the toughest seasons - the seasons when your child seems to be failing or fading in his relationship with Jesus - you have to remind yourself that the signature is not on the bottom of the page yet. Every mistake they make feels so permanent, but God is masterfully redemptive. Love believes the best...and kids can feel it when their parents have lost hope.
Thank you for your 7 points, Mark. My husband and I are expecting our first this November, and those are some valuable lessons!
- Heather T
When disciplining our children we alwasy make them repent to Jesus for how they have offended him with their sin, then they must apolgize to my wife and or their brother to make sure that they realize first and foremost their sin and offense is not taowards me or my wife but to God. We are trying to teach them repentance and understanding their depravity at the youngest possible ages. We also communicate to them, that we have to discupline them or we would be disobedient to God. We always appeal to the word in every discipline situation that arises. They are really young, but I think our older one is beginning to uderstand.
Lastly, I have to make sure I'm cool and not angry when I discipline so that I can disicipline them the way God would, in love. I don't want them to get a false view of discipline growing up.
The 2 most recent lessons I have learned are 1) don't take it personally, they are making choices and 2) as part of the process of not taking it personally whenever I think about my 20 something children and the choices they make and I fight myself with not taking it personally I PRAY, and I PRAY, and I PRAY. God is much bigger than me and can do immeasurably more than I can even ask or imagine....so I pray for them and for me.
Mark, great insights on parenting. I worked hard to have a strong family. The key for me was to "raise good adults," this helped bring them to maturity. Thanks again.
Billy Hornsby
As a mother of children who are 40,38,and 36, I would say ---Don't be afraid to be the parent and don't try to be cool and be their friend. They have friends, they need a parent. Also, don't fall prey to adult peer pressure. Even if all the other parents are letting their kids do something that you think is not a good choice---stand your ground. I was the "meanest mother" of all times, but much later they all have told me that they were so glad I stood firm when it was important. Above all, teach them to love the Lord, seek His guidance, and to serve others.
What a fantastic post - these are GREAT! I hope you write a parenting book!
My contribution would complement your #3 and #6: GOYB parenting - active parenting (Get Off Your Butt). Parenting from the couch is poor parenting indeed (I have to remind myself this several times a week!).
The biggest lesson I've learned came after my second child was born. I learned that love is infinite, not finite. I was afraid I would have to love my son less after my daughter was born, but I loved them both MORE! It opened my eyes up to the fact that God is love and He is infinite.
Don't try and do it alone. Open yourself up to blogs like this, to your spouse, to other parents, and to God of course. Share your praises and your struggles.
Your #1 about apologizing is crucial! The key is 'How To Apologigize.' At times, you may feel that you have apologized and go on your merry way with a clear conscience, but in reality the other person feels that you never apologized or it was not sincer and will still carry the hurt. Chapman's book "The Five Languages of Apology" opened my eyes to that fact. So many relationships would be healed if one person would just take the initiative to apologize.
Parenting is serious work. And, I'm selfish with my time. But our time is limited with them. I liked your point about relaxing. Early on, we thought every mistake we made could be the cause of them turning away from Jesus and to a life of crime! That one mistake (especially when followed with an apology) will not overrule all the other moments and words you've spoken.
Don't Expect, Inspect.
:)
I've learned (over 22 years) that you never know what will make a huge impact and what will be forgotten completely. Sometimes it is only a big deal to YOU. I've had major screwups that my kids never noticed and been amazed by the seemingly insignifcant moments that are burned in memory forever. Most of the time? A parent needs to learn get over self, enjoy each moment fully and, most of all, trust in God.
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