I have a theory. There is never a convenient time to get a flat tire. For that matter, there is never a convenient time for a root canal, accident, license renewal, check-up, tune-up, or robbery. "I don't mind if you rob me, but would you mind coming back a little later when it's more convenient."
Why is it that we treat inanimate objects as intelligent beings when we have a problem with them. Your battery dies and you start talking to it. "Start. Come On. Turn over." You give it a motivation speech as if it only needs a little encouragement. "Ok. I guess I'll go ahead a start." Or we resort to physical threats. We look a soda machine in the eye and say, "If you don't come out I'm gonna." Then we hit it and kick it. Anything to get that soda can out of that soda machine!
I've been known to carry on conversations with my computer. Whenever I lose a document I'm like, "You've got to be kidding me." But the computer isn't kidding me. It never kids. No sense of humor!
I'm a big believer in hitting or kicking things that aren't working. I think it worked one time so I try it every time something stops working. Hey, if it worked once.
Anyways, all of this is to say that I got a flat tire today and I needed to vent.

I love a great quote. I wish I'd started collecting and categorizing great quotes long ago, but here a few from this week's reading.
"I long to accomplish great and noble tasks, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble."
Helen Keller
"It is not what a man does that determines whether his work is sacred or secular, it is why he does it. The motive is everything."

It's day 40. I really don't want this 40 days to end, but I'm excited about setting some new goals. I finished reading the New Testament today (I finished the Old Testament a couple weeks ago). I've never read so much Scripture in such a short time. I feel like this forty days really increased my appetite. I have to admit that I can't wait to break my fast and drink some vanilla coke. I may stay up till midnight. I think I'll always look back on this forty days at a critical turning point for me my my life and ministry. I'm reminded, however, of something Robert Rohr said. "Your last experience with God can be the greatest obstacle to your next experience with God." These forty days aren't a graduation. They are a commencement.
It felt great getting back into the saddle and preaching today. It's been five weeks. In some ways I was concerned because I've been so focused on what God wants to do "in me" that it was tough transitioning to what God wants to do "through me." I think there will always be a tension between preaching to please God and preaching for the praise of people. I felt like I'm on the right side of that spectrum right now.
I've certainly my fair share of ups and downs during this forty days. I have unfulfilled goals. I still have unresolved issues. But I've seen what God can do when we put him first. I really feel like my life has revolved around him. And as long as I stay in orbit this forty days doesn't need to be an anomaly. It can be my new normal.

It's Day 37. We had our last prayer walk on the mall this morning. I think the difference between the sixth walk and first walk is that I can get into "prayer mode" quicker. I still pray for myself first but I have fewer "issues" to work through. I'm able to intercede for others. I'm less distracted. I guess it's the difference between riding your bike for the first time and sixth time. By the sixth time you don't need as big a push to get started.
Two-Dimensional Prayers
I think our prayers need to be two-dimensional--forgive me and help me. Too often we just pray "forgive me" and it becomes a cycle. We need to ask the Lord to help us so that He doesn't have to forgive us!
Sin is a thief. Satan comes to "steal" (John 10:10). He wants to steal our God-given potential. That is what sin does. I like the way John Maxwell says it. "Potential is God's gift to us. What we do with it is our gift to God."
Means
It's so easy as a pastor for my relationship with God to become a "means to an end." I professionalize my relationship with God.
I'm finding joy in just doing what God has called me to do. Too often giving, praying, serving, and sharing become means to an end instead of them being an end in and of themselves. There is a freedom when we find joy giving (not because of what we'll get out of it). Too often God becomes a means and I end up "using" God. He becomes a slot machine.
Joy in obedience.

EnergyI think church planting is all about managing emotions--usually fear, discouragement, and jealousy. If you can manage those three emotions you can make it. If you can't your in emotional trouble.
I've always believed that what God is doing in my life personally is a harbinger of what God is going to do at NCC.
I need to make sure NCC doesn't "outgrow" me or I'm in a precarious position. I think personal growth is our greatest responsibility. We need to be ministering our of present experience with God--not a distant memory of what God did a long time ago! That is the only what to stay fresh.
Time ZonesI think most people tend to live in one time zone or another. Some people are "past people"--the are "stuck in a moment and can't get out of it." the are prisoners of past mistakes or hurts. Or they are "resting on their laurels." God wants us to build altars and memorials. But he doesn't want us to live in the past.
Some people are "future people"--always thinking about what's next. Sometimes they are "the grass is greener on the other side" "I'm going to win the lotto" "someday over the rainbow" kind of people. Or they worry--worst case scenario people.
And then there are "present people." I think God wants us to learn the lessons of the past and prepare for the future. But he wants us to live in the present--100% present.
That means we've got to deal with past guilt and future anxiety--they are theives. They steal the joy of the present. Purity
I think we're more concerned about doctrinal purity than personal purity. Both are important, but personal purity is paramount. Doctrinal Purity without personal purity is lame. Personal purity without doctrinal purity is blind. Some people are lame and blind. Demolition
Demolition is a theme in Kings. Josiah was "demolition man." The good guys are always demolishing things. I think that is one of the first steps of repentance--we need to crush, tear down, utterly destory certain things in our lives. I think we need to more aggresively destory things in our lives that cause ungodliness.

It's Day 36. My forty days of prayer and fasting are coming to an end. MercyThe key to mercy is recognizing our sinfulness. Here is where our logic breaks down. We think that our level of righteousness is what God is concerned about, but that isn't it at all. God is more concerned about our level of gratitude.
The story of the pharisee and tax collector in Luke 18 makes that distinction. Jesus makes the same point in Luke 7. He says a person who is only forgiven a little loves a little. The bigger the debt the more grateful we are. The bottom line is this: what God is looking for isn't righteousness. God is looking for an acknowledgement of our sinfulness and appreciation of his mercy.
I can't seem to escape this truth. I'm waking up every day thinking this thought: it's not about what I can do for God it's about what God has done for me! It takes all the pressure off of my shoulders. We have to simply cry "mercy." Sometimes I wrestle with my kids and get them in a "death grip" and they have to cry "mercy." They are acknowledging their helplessness. It's humbling. But it's the only thing that will get you out of the grip. What do you want? It's amazing how often Jesus asks people this question: "What do you want me to do for you?" I think most Christians don't know what they want God to do for them. And that's our problem. We're not believing God for any miracles. We're not holding out for any promises. We're not praying for anyting. We don't know what we want. A few months ago during our staff prayer and planning retreat we had no agenda. We prayed for an agenda. And the Spirit clearly spoke a question to me and I directed it to our staff: what do you desire of me?
I felt like the Lord wanted to bless us, but we needed to know how we wanted to be blessed. I think Jesus asks us the same question he asked the blind man in Luke 18:41. "What do you want me to do for you?" But we're like the Laodicean church. "I am rich. I have everything I want. I don't need a thing." It says, "You don't realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked." We have not because we ask not.FaithI have such a desire to have more faith--to believe God for bigger things. Luke 18:27 says, "What is impossible from a human perspective is possible with God." I read about the mulberry trees being thrown in the sea and mountains moving is we have faith as small as a mustard seed. I lack so much faith. I'm tired of living within my human limitations. I want to see miracles. I want to exercise my faith. I'm praying for more faith.

I read an interesting article by Garry Kasparov, the #1 ranked chess player in the world for the past twenty years. He said something interesting. "Ultimately, what seperates a winner from a loser at the grand-master level is the willingness to do the unthinkable." He said, "Intelligence without audaciousness" is not enough.
Kasparov counterbalances what he says by saying, "Great chess players cannot lose sight of the mundate details." He talks about losing a match because he didn't take a pawn--the lowest ranking piece in the game.
Kasparov says that is the "beautiful tension" that defines chess--the unthinkable and the mundane.
I think faith is doing the unthinkable. I think obedience is doing the mundane. And when we combine those two--doing the unthinkable and doing the mundane--the results are "out of this world."

It's Day 35. I had a great prayer time this morning over by the fountain between Union Station and the Capitol. That is becoming one of my favorite places of prayer. I'm able to pace which is the way I pray.
I've noticed in the gospels that Jesus had three places he loved to pray--the mountains, the wilderness, and the lake. And he would usually get up and pray while it was still dark and everybody else was sleeping.
I've found that I need places that become altars. And I need times that become sacred. During this 40 days it's been 7:14 as a reminder of II Chronicles 7:14. I think that was missing for a long time for me here in DC, but Union Station and the Fountain are becoming my mountain, wilderness, and lake.
Prophecy
I had lunch with a prophet today. I don't know how else to describe it. I don't think I would have been ready to have this discussion two months ago, but I'm so much more sensitive to what the Spirit is saying to me these days--almost hyper-sensitive. He is the kind of person that when you're in his presence you know you're in the presence of God.
He talked, without interruption, for an hour about the way the Lord has used him in prophetic ways. I've really wanted for some time a more "prophetic edge" in my ministry, but listening increased my appetite.
I've always known that there is a difference between a timeless word and timely word. The truth is timeless, but there is a kind of prophetic preaching that is timely and timeless. That's what I desire. I don't want to just pray. I know to know what to pray. I want to pray with a confidence that can only come from praying the will of God. I don't want to encourage people with nice sentiments and aphorims. I want to see into people's souls and speak into their life.
That is really what happened to me today. I can count the number of prophetic words that have been spoken "over me" or "into my life" on one hand so this isn't a regular occurence. I remember one prophecy when I was a teenager that I still fall-back on. It was a definining moment in my life. And I remember a pastor prophecying that Lora was pregnant with Parker.
Right in mid-sentence, this friend began prophecying into my life. It was almost like he was looking into my eyes and into my soul at the same time--very surreal. God's timing is impeccable. It's tough to describe, but I'm as hopeful as ever because of the things God has done in my life the last 35 days. I believe they will bear fruit. I've always felt like whatever God was doing in my life was a harbinger of things to come for NCC. So I'm hope-full.
But the last six months have probably been the toughest six months of my ministry. I haven't been able to put my finger on it, but I've experienced discouragement like never before. I think the Lord will use that in my ministry to church planters because church planting is full of discouragement. God uses our weaknesses and struggles to encourage others! So I've felt like God has allowed this season to season me.
But this friend prophecied that I was coming out of it and it's really what I needed to hear. I can't remember all the specific words, but he prophecied that people would be lined up to get in. He prophesied and prayed for a "whirlwind." He prophesied that NCC would be a vacumn sucking people into the kingdom. And he said the Lord would give back to me what the enemy has stolen. I was tearing up as he was prophesying because I knew it was a word from the Lord.
This certainly doesn't mean I'm "out of the woods" or immune to discouragement. The enemy will still attack. I'm still imperfect. But I believe this will come to pass in God's timing and God's way!
I keep coming back to what I blogged about yesterday. C.S. Lewis said, "When a man is getting better he understands more and more clearly the evil that is still left in him." So in some ways the better you get the worse you feel because you see sin you didn't even notice before.
A few months ago I didn't know how far "off center" I was, but the Lord is revealing and healing those parts of me that are off. I still have lots of issues, but it's almost like God is isolating them and helping me deal with them one by one.
I've never had such a desire to be a man of integrity on every level. I think integrity--which is really another word for purity--is the key to joy and freedom and power and peace.

A few reflections on what God is showing me these days.
Weights
Every unconfessed sin is like a little extra weight that we carry around. Those unconfessed sins have a cumulative effect--they weigh us down emotionally and intellectually and spiritually.
C.S Lewis said, "We have a strange illusion that mere time cancels sin." Butif time healed all wounds all we'd need would be doctor's waiting rooms!
I was racing Parker on the beach last week, but I was carrying Josiah. I wasn't used to running with that extra weight and I actually injured my ankle. I wasn't fully functional because of the extra weight. That is what sin does. It weighs us down, slows us down. We aren't fully functional.
The only way to get rid of the weight is to take Christ's yoke. He says it is light and easy.
I think eventually we've just got to arrive at the end of ourselves! I think I'm close to the knot in the rope. My problems are bigger than me. My sins are stronger than me. My calling is larger than me. I try to measure up, but God wants me to see that I don't measure up. I feel like Belshazzar in Daniel 5:27. "Tekel means 'weighed'--you have been weighed on the balances and have failed the test."
This forty days has had an interesting effect on me. As I grow in righteousness I'm more aware of my sinfulness. C.S. Lewis says, "When a man is getting better he understands more and more clearly the evil that is still left in him. When a man is getting worse he understands his own badness less and less." So if you think you're ok you're not ok. And if you think you're not ok you're ok. Lewis says, "Good people know about both good and evil: bad people do not know about either."
I think the process of seeing some of the "holes in my heart" began last October at the Catalyst conference. I think sometimes you have to get worse to get better. And that is really the process I've been going through. I'm more and more convinced that if I'm ok inside then everything is alright, but if I'm not ok inside them nothing is ok outside.
I think I feel spiritually just like I felt spiritually after my knee surgeries. I knew I was through the worst part but I had lots of healing to do.
Too often we deal with sinful issues by getting rid of the weeds, but what we need to do is pull out the root. I feel like God is uprooting some things in my life. We need to do what Galatians 5:24 says. "Those who belong to Christ have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nture to the his cross and crucified them there."
I keep coming back to this simple fact: Christianity is not about what I can do for God. It's about what God has done for me. That is the issue in Galatians. I'm becoming more and more aware of my sinful nature. We underestimate our sinfulness. And we underestimate the mercy of God. I think we've got to come to Galatians 6:14. "As for me, God forbid that I should boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ."
I think Galatians is descriptive of the American church. We are so performance based. We're too self-sufficient. We're like the Laodicean church, "I have everything I want. I don't need a thing."
I find myself feeling sorry for myself much less these days. I think too often we feel sorry for ourselves and blame God when we should feel sorry for God and blame ourselves. But sin has this strange effect upon us where we get everything backwards.
Relief
In September of 2003 I bought a carpet and returned it, but our credit card never got credited. For the last ten months I've made dozens of phone calls and visits trying to resolve the issue to no avail. It was frustrating! It was hardly worth all the effort, but a sense of justice kept me going. It has been a cloud hanging over our heads.
I went in today to discover that they were under new management and I thought I'd have to start the process all over again, but I walked out with a "full refund." It's tough to describe the feeling, but it was such a huge relief. It was like a weight was removed.
There is a rest and relief when we bring closure to things that like--whether it's a ten month old issue or ten days or ten years. I think that feeling is similar to what we feel when we finally bring closure to sin via repentance. There is a rest and relief that is tough to put into words.

It's Day 34. It was great to be back at NCC--a week away seems like an eternity to a pastor.
I felt a pretty strong impression during worship today. One of the greatest mistakes we make is focusing on what we can do for God instead of focusing on what God has done for us. We have a "performance based" faith.
I think one of the most fascinating statements in Scripture is God the Father saying to Jesus at His baptism, "This is my son in whom I am fully pleased." His ministry hadn't even begun. In a sense, he hadn't done anything yet. But the Father was "fully pleased."
I think we need a daily dose of--it's not about what I can do for God, it's about what God can do for me.
Surgery
God is the Great Physician. He will be any kind of doctor we need him to be, but I think most of us settle for a general practioner who does a diagnosis and check-up when we need a surgeon. But surgery is an elective procedure. We've got to be willing to go under the knife (the Word) and allow God to remove things. I think there are still things in my life that God is trying to remove.
Shawn Galyen spoke today and he asked a profound question. What is the thing that makes you feel safe and secure? That thing is probably our greatest threat.
For the rich young ruler it was material things. He couldn't let go so he missed out on the opportunity of eternity--a chance to follow Christ. We miss out because we can't let go.
What we find security in reveals alot about us. The Israelite Kings often "got off" track whenever they made human alliances instead of simply trusting God.
Trust really boils down to this: do I really believe that I'll be better off if I obey God? The things we hang on to lead to misery. We find freedom when we let go.

It's Day 32 and I'm back. I've been on vacation the last week in Reheboth Beach, Deleware. There is nothing like "gettting away" to renew perspective. It is admittedly hard for me to leave things behind, but I made a conscientious decision not to check email or the stock market while I was away.
It took me a few days to "decompress" from the pressures of life and ministry. I always seem to have three or four things "weighing on me" emotionally--such is life. I kept thinking about them, but I had to make a decision to let go or not worry about them on multiple occasions. I don't find it easy to "compartmentalize" emotionally. I don't "turn off" and "turn on" on que.
Sometimes it takes me days to really get something "out of my system." It's almost like the "common cold." It's got to run its course. That's how it is with emotional "viruses" or "colds" that I catch.
Books
One of the highlights of the trip was getting a chance to read some books. I read a Neil Armstrong biography titled One Giant Leap. I finished Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala. I read an interesting book titled The Witness Carol by George John DeTellis. I read a follow-up to a book that really intrigued by a few years ago (The Celestine Prophecy) titled The Secret of Shambhala. I actually enjoy reading books that are a little "off" theologically. I find they stretch me and help me think in different categories. I just read them "defensively." This book really falls into that category. I read Reversing Thrust by Carl Hershey. I read a compilation of Peter Marshall sermons titled Mr. Jones Meet the Master. And finally, I read a fascinating book titled Driving Mr. Albert.
One of the defining moments of my life happened as a senior in College. Besides required textbooks and the Bible, I'd probably read fewer than a hundred books in my life. I picked up a seven hundred page biography of Albert Einstein on one of our basketball road trips and something snapped in me. I read more books in the next year than my previous twenty-two years of life! Since that time I've read an average of 150-200 books a year. My reading has lessened in recent years because of increasing demands of a growing church, but I became a voracious reader my Senior Year in College and that has never changed. I developed an insatiable appetite for reading. I actually asked for books for my birthday during Seminary! I became interested in just about anything and everything.
It takes the average author two years to write a book--some more and some less. But that means that if I read 150 books I'm getting 300 years of life experience! I can learn 300 years worth of lessons in a single year!
Cycles
I've always believed in the importance of rhythm. God was intentional in giving us night and day--a 24 hour cycle. He gave a seven-day cycle called a week. He created seasons--a three month cycle. We have biological cycles--a circadian rhythm. There is a religious rhythm in the Old Tesatment.
I just spent a week at the beach and there is a rhythm called high tide and low tide. I think one key to spirituality is managing those rhythms. We've got to embrace the ebbs and flows. Most of us resist the ebbs, but that makes as much sense as trying to alter an ocean tide. We've got to ride the waves--high or low, in or out.
This forty days of prayer and fasting has been fantastic, but there is still high tide and low tide. That rhythm never goes away. I still get down, but my down isn't quite as low as it was and it doesn't last quite as long. I'm not naive: maturity doesn't equal immunity. But I think we can have a higher threshold of tolerance for trouble. We learn Paul's secret of being content.
If our emotional state is determined by external factors--relationships, stocks, job ratings, favorite football team--you're bound to ride an emotional roller coaster. But if our emotional state is determined by our relationship with God we're unshakable.

It's Day 24. I'm headed out to Rehobeth Beach tomorrow with the family for a week's vacation. I can't wait to just spend a solid week with my wife and kids. It's hard for me to compartmentalize church, but I do my best during vacations. I think it's important to "take the pressure" off a while and decompress. That is the effect that the Bay Bridge has on me.
New Testament
It is amazing jumping into the New Testament after reading the entire Old Testament. It is a very different flavor. I feel like I have a heightended appreciation for "the deal" I'm getting from the New Covenant versus the Old Covenant.
Blessing
A benediction is “the invocation of a divine blessing.” I think that is one of the primary roles of pastors and parents. I want a deeper understanding of what that means. In keeping with recent insights, I think there is a miraculous or mysterious element—one that is beyond control. God blesses us in some mystical, spiritual way. But there is a harvest element—one that is reaped from repeated actions. I want both types of blessings!
I think thought-full gifts can be blessings—gifts given not to fulfill a duty like birthdays or anniversaries. But gifts that infuse meaning or mark milestones or teach lessons or celebrate something about someone.
The book of Exodus says, “Build altars in the places where I remind you of who I am. And I will come and bless you there.” That is profound. I think the ultimate blessing is discovering who God is. And when we discover who God is we discover who we are.
The ancient Jewish people had a blessing for everything. They were grateful for the humblest of bodily functions. As someone who’s worn an ostomy (after my intestines ruptured a few years ago) I appreciate that. I still remember—one of my all-time favorite prayer requests asking Parker and Summer to pray that God would help me fart (to confirm that the reversal surgery was successful). Sorry, there’s no other way of saying it. By the way, God answered and continues to answer that prayer (aren't you glad you know that).
I think blessings and prophecies are similar—they affirm who we are. They highlight our potential, our strengths, our uniqueness.
God wants to bless us—that is His nature as our Heavenly Father. But we’ve got to meet the conditions. And we’ve got to receive the blessings by making room for them in our lives. I think the tithe is one way we “make room” for God financially.
There is a wonderful mental picture of this in Rachel Remen’s book My Grandfather’s Blessings. It’s like planes circling an airport in a holding pattern because there is no room to land. We’ve got to make room or our lives get into a “holding pattern” where we circle forever.
Blessing is having an eye for joy—looking for opportunities to celebrate God. It is keeping track of “wins” and sharing them with others.
We can only bless others if we feel blessed. If we’re cursed we curse. If we’re blessed we bless. It is the law of blessings and curses. We bless others when blessings overflow in our own lives.
The only way we get to keep anything is by using it up. What lives dies. But what dies lives. It is the counterintuitive lesson of the seed. It has to die in the ground to be born again. The blessings we keep we lose. The blessings we give away we get to keep.
Wounds
Wounds are reminders. We remember them. Eventually they heal but they often bear the scar of what happened. I can remember my wounds—the last game of my Sophmore season I tore my anterior cruciate ligament. My Sophmore year in high school I broke my ankle. I remember my ruptured intestines. I remember my dislocated shoulder. You remember exactly when and where it happened. You don’t forget wounds.
Jacob never forgot his wound—he walked with a limp. But there is something about Jacob—despite his deceiving—that you have to give him credit for. He knew the importance of blessings. He got his brother’s blessing. He got the angel’s blessing in Genesis 32. And he got God’s blessing.
The story in Genesis 32 is fascinating—it is so easy to try to get out of situations that hurt us. But those hurtful situations can bless our lives through the wounds they inflict. They can teach us about ourselves in a way that our friends can’t. We want to put our failures behind us as quickly as possible. We pray “God get me out of this” and we don’t “get anything out of it.”
The wound resulted in a blessing which resulted in a different person--Jacob's name was changed to Israel.

It's Day 23. I think one of the greatest challenges I face is distraction. Things happen that get me focused on other things. It's tough to stay focused, but I believe our focus determines our reality.
I think prayer is the way we stay focused. I think worship is the way we stay focused. Sometimes I just have to "tough it out" and fight for focus! I think the difference between me now and me a few months ago is that a few months ago I would get distracted for days. Now I get distracted for much shorter periods of time.
I'm really wrestling with "root issues" during this forty days. What is my source of joy? Is it doing the will of God? If it is we're safe from the "market fluctuations." We don't have bear or bull markets emotionally or spiritually. That doesn't mean we have emotional immunity. But we have a joy that is untouchable in a sense. We just find joy being in the center of God's will whether we're in the valley or on the mountain.
Me
It's tough for me to describe, but my perspective of me is changing so much these days. Every once in a while I'll look at an old photo or old video from the 80's or 90's. I thought I was "all that." I felt like I dressed cool, looked cool, acted cool. But it's downright embarassing! I tried to single-handedly keep the "french cuff" alive! I looked ridiculous.
That's how I feel spiritually. I felt like I had it together. I felt like I was "all that." But when I look back from my present vantage point it's a little embarrassing! I looked ridiculous.
Sometimes we need a reality check. You can feel like Michael Jordan if you surround yourself with people a foot shorter than you who can't play basketball. You can feel like Einstein if you surround yourself with people who aren't intelligent. You can feel spiritual if you surround yourself by people who are lukewarm. That's the painful truth. But when you compare yourself with God's standard of holiness you realize how far short you fall. It's a reality check. I think I've gotten a reality check.
One of the things that Lord has really gotten into my spirit is the way we understimate our sinfulness. And because we underestimate our sinfulness we underestimate God's mercy.
The Old Testament
I finished reading the Old Testament yesterday! I'm going to jump into the New Testament today.
Here are some "macro reflections" as I look at the OT. I think there are multiple themes and verses that have impressed me over the last twenty-three days. I think I have a different perspective on the Old Testament because of reading it in such a short timeframe.
My overall impression is that the passages that cause a degree of angst are the very passages that give the OT it's raw, ancient, authentic, real feel. It is anything but manufactured. It's about real people with real problems and a real God with real solutions. I think my approach to Scripture makes all the difference in the world. I submit to the Word as inspired by God. I want to under-stand it so I read it from below--a posture of humility. I don't think those who read it from "above" can really under-stand it. I think the Old Testament is messy, but that resonates with postmodern people. It is full of dysfunction. It's read much more like a diagnosis than prognosis.
Any book that is written over a 1600 year timespan has to have some "progressive" qualities to it or it wouldn't be authentic. It's those "progressive revelations" that often cause people problems. But the Old Testament covers a huge chunk of history. So if it wasn't progressive it'd be more problematic.VowsI think I saw some things I hadn't seen before in the OT. I was amazed at the way vows played such a central role in David's spiritual development. Nehemiah seemed to a vow maker as well. He was always trying to get people to formally vow (Nehemiah 5:13). I wonder what role "vows" should play in the New Testament economy. There is some discouragement of vows, but Paul certainly made vows.
I've discovered that I'm wired in a way that I need goals or challenges. And a vow is one way of doing that. I see vows as a spiritual disciple, but I've never heard anybody talk about them in that light.
I think part of spiritual maturity is becoming like God. But I try to apply that in unorthodox ways. For example, God is omnipresent. He is always available. Part of becoming like God is 24/7 availability.
In the same sense, God makes sacred promises to us--vows or covenants. So I think making sacred promises to God is treating God the way He treats us. Altars
I'm amazed at how often altars are built. I think this is one of those ancient spiritual disciplines that has been lost. I don't think we're very good at building altars in our age. On April 30, 2004 I spent part of the afternoon out at Haines Point near the Awakening Sculpture. I felt the Lord impess on me a couple of ideas--ways to get back some spiritual momentum. I picked up a piece of driftwood and used it as a daily reminder of some of the goals I had set for the month. Some of the things God began in me that day have proved to be a turning point in my life. I think that sculpture is an altar for me.
How is that different that what God did in Jacob's life at Bethel? Another one of my altars is right outside Union Station--I have a prayer perch where I sit and pray. I think we need special or sacred places--gilgals, mizpahs, bethels. Rituals
Finally, there is a rhyme and reason or ritual and rhythm to the way the Israelites worshipped God. There were "book ends" sacrifices in the morning and at night so there was a daily rhythm. There was a weekly rhythm--the Sabbath. There was a monthly rhythm--monthly sacrifices. And there was a yearly rhythm--three festivals or feasts. Those rituals or rhythms helped the Israelites stay out or get out of spiritual slumps. I think we need to be more in tune with the calendar and utilize anniversaries. For example, July 23rd is my "second birthday." It's the day I went in for emergency surgery to repair ruptured intestines. I coulde have and maybe should have died, but God gave me a "second life." That is a significant date in my personal history. We need to remember and celebrate those. I've got another one coming up on 8/8. I took Lora out on our first date on 8/8/88. I think those dates, just like birthdays, ought to be celebrations of what God has done and is doing in our lives. I think we also need to really redeem the new year and lent and pentecost. We also need more "rites of intiation." The Israelites had eleborate ceremonies for different rites of passage. Blessings and CursesIt seems "curses" are the Old Testament equivalent of sin. If you sin you're under a curse. If you obey you're under a blessing. I think understanding the blessings of God is so critical. Most of us don't know what to claim. We don't know God's intentions so we forfeit the blessing He wants to bring. The Old Testament is very consequential. If you do this or do that here is what will happen. It is the law of the harvest--you reap what you sow. It is very matter of fact.
I think fits with the biblical logic that God doesn't send anyone to hell. We determine our destiny by choosing to accept or reject God's open invitation. AweI think the ultimate goal is for people to live in awe or fear of the Lord. I think this means to be absolutely overwhelmed by the greatness and goodness of God that we can't get over it. God is jealous! He doesn't want leftovers. He wants the first fruits. He wants to best part. And He won't settle for anything less. If you don't give God the best you might as well not give Him anything at all.
There is so much idol worship in the OT. I think it boils down to this: You become what you worship.
PhysicalityThere is a physicality to the Old Testament that is missing in the New Testament. I think we need to add some more physical or symbolic dimensions to New Testament worship. The images are so powerful. I think part of spiritual leadership is giving people concrete ways of thinking about abstract concepts.
It's so tough enough to feel forgiven. That can be awfully abstract. But nailing a confession to a cross gives people a mental image. Laying hands on the head of a goat gives people a mental picture. The Old Testament is full of images and pictures and symbols. Some of that is lost on us as NT believers. I think we need to recapture those ancient images.
Our video at Inward Bound (throwing a confession box to the bottom of the lake) was an attempt to give people a mental picture of Micah 7:19. Purity
I'm more and more convinced that our potential is determined by purity. I think purity is doing the right thing for the right reasons. I think integrity is a form of purity. You refuse to do wrong. People like Nehemiah and Daniel inspire me. Their integrity gave them confidence.
I don't want anything that hinders God from using me. When we're living in purity there is nothing keeping God from using me! Fear and Discouragement
I think fear and discouragement seem to be major themes. I lost count at how many times, "Don't be afraid" and "Don't be discouraged" were repeated. I think fear and discouragement keep us tethered to the past. They keep us from stepping out in faith.
Desires
I think everything can be traced back to desires. I think everything can be traced back to our hearts. Those themes run through the OT. "Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life." "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." I want to be transformed at the level of desire. I want to want what God wants me to want.

This blog is really for pastors.
I think one of the toughest things about pastoring is people leaving the church. There is no emotional immunity. They can affirm you, leave for all the right reasons, and exit in a godly fashion. But it still hurts. It knocks the wind out of you. It's tough not to feel betrayed. It can result in very healthy reflection. But it can also sow some seeds of doubt. It's so tough not to personalize and feel rejected on some level.
Pastoring isn't easy!
Managing Emotions
I have a saying--life is too short to be part of a church you're not excited about. And I believe it cerebrally. But it is tough emotionally when people aren't excited enough about the church to stay. No matter how much you try not to let it affect you it does. I believe there are "different churches for different people" but I still want us to be a church for everybody.
I've learned a couple things about the way I'm wired emotionally. Sometimes I just have to go to bed and get up the next day and start over. I think God gave us night and day, in part, to help us emotionally recalibrate. I start over emotionally.
The other thing I'm learning is that as long as people leaving the church, or tough conversations, or emotionally draining experiences don't harden my heart, they can build emotional strength the same way we build physical strength--resistance. I'm not a confrontational person by personality, but I'm finding it easier and easier to have confrontational conversations because I'm building strength with each one I have.
I try to avoid a victim's mentality or blame game. I think people leaving is most often the result of reaping what we've sown.
So much of ministry is managing emotions--making sure you've got enough emotional reserves to really invest in people.
Exit
How a person exits a situation speaks volumes about their character--it reveals who they really are. We've had people leave that I have more respect for than when they attended the church just because of the way they exited.
I think you've got to have a "kingdom mindset." Different churches play different roles, but we're all on the same team. In that vein, we aren't losing someone. They are being "reassigned."
Fundamental Conviction
If you have people's best interest at heart you can't go wrong. You don't want to hang on to people who want to leave. They will become dead weight--even if they are "hanging on" for loyalty reasons. Sometimes that is admirable, but it is usually a "matter of time" before they eject.
I think pastors need to have an open-door policy. The Lord brought them through our front door and He can take them out the back door. As long as someone isn't just trying to escape for the wrong reasons, then we've got to bless them coming in and going out.
I think lots of people leave for the wrong reasons. But I've got to believe that lots of people leave for the right reasons. I think churches can serve people during different chapters of their lives. I think some people make church decisions based on selfish motives which isn't healthy. But I also think people can leave for the right reasons.
I think the toughest part about pastoring is the toughest part of parenting. You invest your life in people, but eventually they leave--under good or bad terms, sooner or later, for good reasons or bad ones. I guess we need to just continue investing in people--focusing on doing the right thing for the right reasons.
One last thought. I find that when I'm going through a tough time it helps to zoom out and remind myself that I'm in this for the long haul. We've hit some speed bumps along the way, but as long as we learn from them we'll be better because of them!
I do think humility is a form of spiritual immunity. When we walk in humility we are immune to so many negative emotions that would effect us otherwise!
Oh yah, like any living organism, church's need excretory systems too :)

It's Day 22 of 40. I don't know that I've ever been as cognizant of a transformation process happening in my life. I look back at who I was just a few months ago and hardly recognize myself. I'm amazed at my own prayerlessness.
Post-Game
Every once in a while there are verses that just jump out of Scripture that you seem to have never noticed before. That is part of the joy of Scripture--it is always full of new surprises based on different life situations. I like the way Andy Stanley says it. Scripture is equally inspired, but it's not equally applicable!
I Kings 20:11 says, "A warrior still dressing for battle should not boast like a warrior who has already won." I love that. I think one of my historical weaknesses has been such a desire to achieve that I like telling people about what I'm going to do before I do it. I think, early on, that came out of my immaturity and insecurity. A few years ago the Lord really convicted me to just let my life speak for itself. Instead of telling people about what you're going to do, just do it. I think this verse speaks to that. I think too often I've been the boasting warrior--but not the one who had already won. I was the one who was still in the locker room getting dressed.
Subtle Shifts
I find subtle shifts in the way I feel and think these days.
This morning I woke up, and it's been this way in recent days, my first thought is praising the Lord. I'm being reordering or realigned or recalibrated so that my life really does revolve around God.
The Old Testament sacrifices were designed to be book ends. The priests were instructed to offer "one in the morning" and "the other in the evening" (Exodus 29:37). I'm more and more conviced that the key to what happens during the day is how you start and end the day!
I also embrace conviction or rebuke because I want to grow. And I am willing to be speak the truth in love and let the chips fall where they may because I feel like I'm right with God. I think it's a confidence that can only come from knowing that you're doing and saying what God wants you to say or do.
I also find myself loving ministry more--the input not the outcome. This is critical. There have been times when I've gotten focused on the end gain or bottom dollar. But that is dangerous. We should never measure based on outcomes. God controls the outcomes. We need to find joy not in how many people come or the response to a message. We need to find joy in doing what God has called us to do--praying and preaching and serving. If we find joy in the front-end, the input, then ministry becomes it's own reward. Anything less or anything else is chasing the mirage! There is nothing like the joy of doing the right thing for the right reasons because it's pleasing to the Lord.
When we get focused on outcomes it is typically an ego issue. There is a freedom when you only worry about doing the right thing. When you're only worried about doing the right thing you don't have to worry about anything else.
Slumps
I like to think of "backsliding" is a spiritual slump. And all of us get into them. They way I got out slumps in basketball was going back to basics. You have to take the pressue off yourself. You need to start having fun again--play for the love of the game.
The same is true spiritually--we need to "return to our first love." And we need to go back to basics. That's what I did in May and the 40 days of Prayer and Fasting. I was in a slump. I hit bottom and didn't bounce. I know the feeling. But I feel like the Lord has brought me through this process to help others get out of spiritual slumps!
Presence
Most people don't want to be in God's presence because of sin in their life. Sin pushes against the feet of the Shekinah.
I find myself anticipating heaven and the Lord's return much more these days. The more I think about him the more I can't wait to see Him face-to-face. It is the one experience that won't disappoint at all. It'll be the most undisappointing experience we've ever had--if that's a word.
Evangelistic Zeal
To my own shame, I had more evangelistic zeal in Elementary School than I do as an adult. But I think I'm recapturing that. I remember sharing Christ in second grade with one of the "misfits" in my class. I remember inviting neighbor friends to a Billy Graham crusade at County Stadium in Milwaukee. I remember sharing Christ with all my friends in the fourth and fifth grade.
I definitely prayed, shared my faith, and invited a close circle of friends in high school to church. My speech in speech class was a presentation of the gospel. And I shared my faith with my entire dorm floor at the University of Chicago.
But ministry can be just an evangelistic vacumn. You're so busy "tending the sheep" that you don't go after the lost sheep. I have a growing awareness of really influencing people for Christ in big and small ways.
Distinction
I think one key to reaching people for Christ is "the distinction." As I read through Exodus I see God promising to make a distinction between "His people" and those who aren't via blessings.
I think it is living a "blessed life" that will attract people to Christ. People ought to be asking, "What makes you different?" People ought to want what we have. But if there is no distinction there is no witness!
Moses said, "If you don't go with us personally, don't let us go up from this place. If you don't go with us, how will anyone ever know that your people and I have found favor with you?"

It's Day 19.
I've noticed the last two days during our leadership summit and Sunday morning service--the dfference between ministry by rote memory and ministry by anointing where you just rely on the Spirit of God to prompt you. It's tough to describe, but there is nothing like saying what you feel like God wants you to say.
Worship
I think one of my primary insights during worship today was that worship is really the catalyst for everything. I think preaching, giving, praying, writing, serving, and sharing are expressions of worship. It's a subtle shift, but my preaching is a form of worship. If we're worshipping God the way we were created to worship everything takes care of itself--you can't help but preach and give and pray and serve and share!
I think our worship here on earth is a dress rehearsal for worship in heaven. It's a sneak preview. When we get to heaven no one will be able to remain standing in the presence of God.
Sin
Sin is our way of saying, "I'll be my own god." Almost like the two-year-old that says, "Let me do it" or "I'll do it myself." We resist the help God offers.
Sin is anything that seperates us from God and others.
Sin is walking away from God. The more you sin the farther away you get from God.
Harvest
I continue to think in "harvest terms." I think sometimes praying for miracles can be a cop out. God wants to work a process, but we want the quick fix. I think we need to work for the harvest and pray for miracles--both/and. I think 99.99% of the time God uses a process to change us, heal us, help us. God often works in stages. One reason is that then we're able to help other people through the process.
One of the names I see in a new light is "Lord of the Harvest." My role is to plow and plant. God produces the harvest.